Since I was thinking a lot about what I wanted to do with my life lately and never really came to a proper conclusion, just that it should have something to do with writing (either I myself write or I publish other people’s books etc.) and that I want to be good at it.
And there we have it: I want to be extraordinary. I want to be special and I want to mean something to the world. And I don’t know why. I mean, I’ve always wanted to be a writer and that also includes wanting to be good at it and acclaimed. It wasn’t always like that, years ago I was just happing writing in my own bedroom and just enjoying it.
Maybe I’ve read too much about writers (boards, blogs, fan-fiction) and met too many other people who want to be writers (e.g. in my creative writing class). I don’t know if I’m any good. A girl in said class said “You’d make a good writer” after reading one of my papers and my friend said my writing is 7-8 points on a scale of 10. (Which I’m pretty content with, I don’t have to be Tolstoi, Dickens or J.K. Rowling)
What is it about people wanting to be ‘special’? There is this line (actually two lines) of a Counting Crows song (“Hard Candy”) and I love them. I’m not sure they really mean what I think they mean, because songs can always be interpreted in different ways. (Did you know ‘Just like heaven’ by The Cure is supposed to be about alcohol? It sounded so romantic at first.)
Line 1: She is something all together different, never just an ordinary girl
Line 2: … pressed upon a picture in the face of such an ordinary girl
I think he is talking about the same girl. In some way she is different and in another way, altogether she’s not.
And I think we all are like this: ordinary and also special.
And the thought came up that maybe me thinking about how I always want to be extraordinary is also a way to make me feel less ordinary. (I certainly makes sense in my head, haha)
And then I saw on Facebook all those posts by my friends (or at least “Facebook friends“) and it occurred to me: I might not be the only one with that “issue”. Isn’t it all about showing how special and cool we are?
Celine (character of Before Sunrise) says: “Isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”
I love love love that quote. Because it is so true. We do not only want to be loved, but acknowledged. Earning money, being rich, it makes people acknowledge you more.
And different people want to be loved because of different things. Because actually, it really doesn’t matter if I get any approval for my texts. It doesn’t make me a better person. It makes me happy, yes, but it’s enough if my friend says she enjoyed reading it. (If any of you think “Woah, that girl wants to be a writer? She uses such simple words!” I have to say English is not my first language and I surely hope I am a better writer in my mother tongue!)
And it certainly doesn’t matter if enough people like your new bikini picture. But, as I’ve noticed, it can be of high importance to people. (“Can you believe she got 60 likes for THAT picture?”)
My mother doesn’t like to have pictures. She says she doesn’t want to leave a “footprint”. But isn’t it inside of all of us, wanting to leave something? It can be a child or art or an impact in any other way. My mother might be special in that way. I’m leaving a footprint with writing this.
Have a nice weekend!
P.S.: Is it really weird that I don’t dare to look up Hard Candy on songmeanings.com so it wouldn’t ruin all of my thoughts on it?